Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
