my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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