I met the friendliest cop last night
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
