So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
