i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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