Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
