I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
