yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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