mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
