I'm drive I can fine osifer
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
