so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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