I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
