Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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