stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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