you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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