So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
