Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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