normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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