Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
