I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
