I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
