dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
