I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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