Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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