her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
