If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
