i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
