dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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