His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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