Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
