i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
