Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
