1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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