Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm always down for nudity.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
