roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
