we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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