I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize