My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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