you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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