dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
