and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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