Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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