I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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