I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
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I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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