Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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