I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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