I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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