fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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