Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
