On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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