Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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