We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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