lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
