I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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