Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
