I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
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I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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