I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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