First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
