She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
