Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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