I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
