How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
