Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
