The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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