When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
