i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
