im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
