somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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