there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
