my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
