I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We were destined to go to rehab together
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
