Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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