it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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