alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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