Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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