we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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