the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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