I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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